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Cartoon physics in the Biker bar

The Steel Horse biker bar was packed wall-to-wall with the grittiest, toughest women around, all of them dressed pretty typically for bikers, though their body types ranged across the map. The bar was situated between several towns, so despite being in the middle of nowhere, had a large regular crowd. The Steel Horse had long been a haven for women bikers from miles around. The owner had set it up that way from the very beginning, but as is typically with this kind of place, it had been infiltrated often by crowds of men looking to harass the women and take over the bar for themselves. That didn’t go well, as the women of the Steel Horse didn’t take crap from anyone. After they ran off the toughest male biker club several times, word got around that the Steel Horse wasn’t to be messed with. So from that point on, biker women gathered in peace.


It was Thursday, which meant half price for everything on tap, which always brought in the large crowds. Classic rock played over the speakers, the jukebox already cued up with well over three hours of music. The sound of billiard balls cracked through the space, punctuated by the occasional cheer or roar of disappointment. In the corner, women gathered to throw darts, or take bets. The bartenders rushed back and forth passing out tall beers and the occasional hard liquor drink. All in all, a very typical scene.


That’s when the door opened and in walked the most unlikely patron: a five-foot nothing twenty-something woman with pigtails. She wore a pink frilly dress, pastel yellow fingerless gloves, yellow thigh-high socks with pink platform boots. Her face was fully made up with pink and yellow shades, her stark-white hair adorned with a comically oversized pink ribbon tied into a bow.


Before the door even closed behind her, eyes started to turn to her. Not that she noticed, since her face was glued to her cell phone screen, her free hand twirling one of her pigtails, her jaw busy chewing away on a stick of gum.


Finally, maybe a half dozen strides into the room, she finally looked up, seeing all the women of the bar staring at her. Some of them looked on with utter shock and confusion, while others actively looked angry at this apparent prissy little woman in their midst.


“Oh, hello,” the newcomer said in a bubbly tone as if she was greeting friends of hers. “Nice place you got here ladies!”


All eyes watched her and she slipped her phone into her tiny purse and made her way to the bar, taking a seat in the last open bar stool.


“You can’t sit there unless you buy something,” the gruff woman behind the bar said, stepping over to her.


“Oh, well that’s no problem,” the Stranger said. “Can you make a Sex on the Beach?”


There was a pause for a moment, the bartender staring at the Stranger with an incredulous expression, as if she couldn’t believe what she had just asked for.


“No,” she said simply, murmurs starting around the bar at the woman’s choice of drink. The woman sitting next to the Stranger, a petite redhead shifted in her seat, catching the Stranger’s eye. The Stranger looked at her with a smile, her eyes drifting to her light-colored beer sitting on the counter.


“I’ll just have what Red here is having,” she said casually.


The bartender responded with a grunt and slipped off to fill the mug.


“So, Red,” the Stranger turned to address the redhead, while the bar started to go back to relatively normal activity. “I can’t seem to get any bars on my phone out here, would you know how to get to Ithaca?”


“My name’s not Red,” the redhead responded, turning to face the bar, putting her profile toward the Stranger. “And you should get out of here before you get hurt, these ladies think you’re mocking them.”


“You’re right, I’m sorry, I’m Lara. Pleasure to meet you,” Lara held her hand out to Red, who made no move to shake her hand. The awkward pause was broken by the bartender dropping off the beer in front of Lara.


“Hey Pinky, can you throw darts?” a voice called from across the bar.


Lara turned around to see a hulking, burly woman with buzzed hair looking at her from the darts corner. She was easily six feet tall with a weight-lifter’s strong arms, legs and thick torso. A black leather vest covered her dirty white tank top, which was tucked into her black leather pants.


“Um, well no,” Lara responded.


“Oh come one little girl, it’s easy,” the large woman called, waving her over.


“Okay, sure,” Lara said with her normal bounce, turning and slipping off the stool, grabbing her beer and walking across the crowded room. One of the bikers bumped into her, purposely spilling some of her beer onto her immaculate dress.


“Opps,” the woman said, without a scrap of actual sympathy. “Well, if you’re going to hang with us, you could use a little grit.”


Lara looked at her with a little bit of annoyance in her eyes for just a brief moment. She pushed it aside and smiled.


“Don’t worry about it, that should wash out,” Lara said as the woman turned her back uncaringly. With a cute little huff, Lara made her way over to the woman with the darts.


“Here, you start,” the large woman said, holding the darts out to her. As Lara reached out to accept them, the large woman dropped them at her feet, one of them sticking into Lara’s boot, not deep enough to hurt her, but it did put a hole in the leather. Again a flash of annoyance crossed Lara’s expression, but she put it down. She smiled at the large woman, set her drink down on a table nearby and squatted down to pick up the darts.


When Lara had her head down, the large woman pulled the bow free of her hair in one quick motion. Lara snapped back upright, ignoring the darts on the ground and the one still in her boot.


“Give that back,” she snapped, stepping forward, her expression hard and angry, facing off against the much taller woman without fear.


The large woman smirked down on her and grabbed the ribbon by its ends. She smiled and pulled, ripping the ribbon in half.


Without a word, Lara punched the large woman square in the chest. The blow landed so hard that it knocked all the air from her lungs, and sent her into the air. Everyone in the bar turned to watch in shock as the large woman hit the wall, flattening into an oddly colored disk about as round as the woman was tall. The outline and general shape of the woman could still be seen in the flesh and black colored disk, her expression one of exaggerated shock.


“Anyone else?” Lara growled, turning to face the rest of the bar.


“What the hell did you do to her, you prissy bitch?” another woman demanded and charged Lara, swinging a fist at her. Lara blocked it easily with her left and punched her hard in the chest, launching her into the pool table, where she folded over it like a tablecloth, similarly flattening out like the first woman, her body matching the contours of the table.


The bar turned into utter chaos from that  moment, several women running for the door, while others angrily charged Lara, swinging fists, pool cues and even barstools at her. Lara deftly ducked, blocked and swung back, sending even more of the bar patrons flying, all of them flattening out over whatever surface they struck.


After only a few minutes of this, the bar was a mess, broken bits of furniture, spilled drinks and broken glasses littered the floor. And of course, a dozen or more flattened women up against the ceiling, floor, walls and other furniture. The rest of the women had fled, the sound of their motorcycles fading into the distance. Lara looked around, her bouncy, light-hearted smile back.


Lara casually bent down and removed the dart from her boot, turning and tossing it perfectly into the center of the dartboard, which incidentally was only feet from where the large woman was flattened into the wall. The eyes of the comically flattened woman turned to follow the dart, her fear evident.


Lara looked down at herself, seeing the absolute mess of her clothing. Her makeup was smeared, her dress, boots and gloves stained and ripped from spilled drinks and impacts with furniture and the biker women.


“Well since, you messed up all of my clothes, it’s only polite that you replace them,” Lara addressed the woman on the wall.


Lara hummed to herself as she skipped over to the large woman and peeled her off the wall, the woman’s eyes darted around the room, but she was otherwise unable to move or defend herself. Lara carried her over to an empty pool table and tossed the woman out over it like a tablecloth.


Her humming continued as she got to work folding the woman-disk over onto herself, changing her shape from a disk into something more useful. Every now and again, she would press down hard, fusing parts of the flattened woman together, locking in her new shape. After a moment, Lara stepped back, satisfied with her new form.


Leaving her there, Lara skipped away, carefully looking over each of the other women, selecting a few of them and repeating the process one at a time. The rest of the women took more work and a longer time to reshape. Lara grunted to herself with the effort of reshaping them. The women reformed and the rest still stuck to the walls watched in horror, starting to see what was happening. Those still stuck to the wall showed fear in their eyes as she walked around, hoping they weren’t next to be taken down.


Finally, she finished her task, the nine total reformed women laying out on the pool table.


“See that wasn’t so bad,” Lara said to the transformed women, who were so mixed up and smashed that they were barely recognizable as women, besides the odd skin coloration every now and then. Overall though, the black of their leather clothing made them look almost like they were made of black leather. With that Lara started to strip her dirty, ripped clothes off, eventually standing in the middle of the bar in only her, obviously pink, bra and panties.


Maybe ten minutes later, Lara strode out the front door, leaving the remaining five or six flattened women where they landed, and a pile of her clothes in the corner by the darts. She was dressed now in black, leather looking boots, thigh-high socks, dress, and finger-less gloves. And of course, she had a brand new, comically oversized bow tied into her hair. The large woman, and the eight others that now adorned her five-foot body regretted ever messing with her and hoped that their transformation was only temporary…

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